If You Feel Like You’re Wasting Your Life, Read This

The long road to individuation.

I’ve heard it said that life is not a journey but a dance. I think it may be both.

At various stages—and for a good chunk of my adult life—I’ve felt like I wasn’t where I should be. Like I was behind, playing catch-up. Like I was wasting my life, pissing and farting about while others seemed to be moving forward.

I was stuck in the future tense, waiting for life to happen instead of being thankful for the life I had. I waited for fate to knock on my door rather than wrestling it down and meeting my destiny halfway.

Your destiny is there—but it’s only through action that you find it.

You might say: “That’s all well and good, but I’m not motivated. I haven’t got my shit together. I spend most of my time distracting myself from what I should be doing—if I even know what that is.”

Well, the good news is: where you’re at is part of the process. And as long as you’re set on becoming more, you will. I promise.

The bad news? It takes longer than you think you can handle. You’ll need blinkers. You’ll need an overriding focus on becoming better than the person you were yesterday. And you’ll need to stop looking over the fence at people your age (or younger) who seem to have it all together and are kicking big goals.

From this point on, you are in competition with yourself—not with some Temu version of success worn by someone else.

Truly happy people are intrinsically motivated. That means they derive their purpose from within, not from playing everyone else’s game. You have to play your own game—with your own rules and goalposts. Not the ones set by your dad, your friends, or society.

You have to find your true north and be driven by your own values. When that happens, what you're meant to be doing becomes what you want to be doing, and life becomes a pull, not a push.

The further you move in that direction, the more momentum you gain, and the easier it becomes to overcome the inertia that holds you back.

But all this takes time.

You might not even know what your values are yet. You might be basing them on what’s expected—on the tribe. But real growth requires individuation. You have to become your own person and be guided by your highest self.

And here’s the thing: most people won’t want you to become your highest self. Why? Because they’re still living externally, in a state of competition.

To them, seeing you rise above feels like a diminishment of their own worth.

Many never individuate. They tick boxes. They’re dutiful. They function well in society—but they lack the insight that only comes from true self-realization.

Their focus remains outward. Yours needs to turn inward.

To become your best self, you must be willing to walk away from environments that don’t want to see you flourish on your own terms.

You need to find environments that do, even if that means being alone for a while.

And when you meet people who genuinely want to see you grow—who don’t need to shrink you to feel tall—latch onto them.

Even if you don’t feel worthy yet. Especially then. Do your best to become worthy.

Motivating yourself will always be harder if you're doing it for external reward or validation; the more you align with your highest values and purpose, the less you'll feel like you're wasting your life, and the more you'll feel like you're truly living.

You’re not wasting your life. You’re unfolding. Slowly. Awkwardly. But authentically. Growth doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in the quiet choices no one sees.

In the decisions to act even when you feel like stalling. In the moments where you refuse to give up on who you could become—even when you’re not yet sure who that is.

So stop waiting for life to find you. Go meet it halfway.