The Free Wonder Drug You’re Probably Ignoring

No Prescription Needed. Just Five Minutes of Grit.

The Miracle Cure You Already Own

Have I got a wonder drug for you—one that anyone can access at any time, completely free, and without a prescription. This miracle treatment I speak of? A little bit of exercise daily, or at least on most days.

Oh, the mood it will put you in. The extra energy you’ll find. The quiet sense of personal accomplishment.

Not That Kind of Exercise

Now, I’m not talking about the kind of exercise that fills you with dread, or the kind that gets you losing weight only to attract unwanted attention again. No, not at all.

I’m talking about the type of exercise that’s quick, easy to manage, and done and dusted in five minutes flat. That’s my type of exercise. That’s what helped me recover from the flu quicker than the rest of my family.

But Of Course… There’s Always a Catch

There always is. There always will be. Jeremiah 5:31, or something.

So what’s the catch, Lord Browne of the Andols, Keymaster to the High Council of Ravencroft?

The catch is: you’ve got to smash it.

You’ve got to get your heart rate up—to blast all the cholesterol stuck to the lining of your arteries so hard it shoots out your arsehole. You want your heart thumping, revving on all four ventricles. This is pure VO₂ Max science, people.

My Secret Weapons

I go full band and then I’m done. Sometimes I do it on an exercise bike built from an old German tank used in World War II during the Battle of Hastings. It holds fatty’s weight—though I had to make some adjustments so I wouldn’t have to lean forward on the handlebars.

Other times, I head out back and race my daughter up and down a twenty-metre stretch until one of us loses the will to fight and crumbles. It’s always me—she’s carrying far less blubber.